Author Archives: Karina velez

Hey, I’m sorry its been a couple days since I last posted something on here. I find it hard to do things when I go through one of my little depressive episodes, but “Even if you are not ready for the day, It cannot always be night.” (Kanye West- Praise God) That quote resonates with me. It’s right in a sense. You should push yourself to do the things you find hard that a normal person wont. You’ve worked to hard to get this far to just throw it away. Especially as a mother. People don’t realize what we go through on a daily basis. From the minute were up to the minute were in bed. It takes a strong woman to wake up and do what she needs to not just for herself, but her child, and/or her partner. I’m extremely thankful and blessed I have a great man in my life who I can communicate these feelings with. Unfortunately not everyone does. Check in on your friends and family. A simple how are you, It goes a long way. You never know what anyone is going through until you slow down and find out. Depression is not kind on the body, mind, and soul. In all honestly I struggle to get out of bed, to brush my teeth and hair, and even to change. You feel worthless and like nothing will ever change. I feel that way sometimes. It’s blinding to the light on the other side, but you just have to know it’s there. It’s just harder when seeing is believing. Blind faith isn’t common nowadays. Especially when your brain counteracts everything you say or want tp do for yourself. Looking in the mirror, and you think “I look great”, but the second you look away, and it’s “No I don’t. They’re gonna make fun of every insecurity I have about myself”. I’ve canceled so many plans because I not like the way my hair looks, or my pants fit a bit funny in my eyes. You’re never comfortable. Never satisfied, and you just cant stop it. No matter what you do. There is no cure, but there is help. As voodoo as it seems to talk to a therapist, its normal. It should be talked more about, and people should be encouraged to go. It saves lives. I know it’s saved mine. Stop caring what others say and think. Care about yourself and your thoughts. Get some help. You can do it. Even when you think you can’t. I really think my depression started in July of 2020. I had just graduated Basic Training, and go to my tech school. I was Sheppard AFB in northern Texas. Unfortunately it was at the height of COVID, and everything that was happening was changing from one day to the next. My parents and son watched me graduate on a FB Live video that didn’t work half the time. A couple hours later instead of getting to see our families, they put us on a plane straight to your tech school. I was devastated, but i tried to stay positive. I kept thinking, I’m gonna see him soon. A couple days later, and I’m in my dorm quarantining with my new roommate (don’t even get me started on her). The 2 weeks go by and we are finally starting classes. With my AFSC, I had the longest tech school that was 5 months (that was actually shortened due too Covid).

I get to class just to find out the base is shut down. Nobody can leave, and nobody can come. My heart broke. I broke. I waiting already 2.5 months at this point just to find that out. I wasn’t ready for another 5 months away, and on top of that its been sprung on my parents that my son is staying even longer too. From the start at the recruiter to an MTI, I was told that my son would be with me due to the length of my tech school. I did everything I could for that to happen. I talked to my MTL, my instructors, my shirt, and all the way to my commander. Nothing. My parents are furious at this point, and I feel helpless at this point. Time passes and I finally got my assignment to Japan! Something good out off the bad. My dream assignment. I’ll explain why I’m in NJ another day. More time passes and I watch people come and go. My roommate was gone after 4 weeks. I had my own room for so long. It created a hole in me. I loved the peace and quite, but I found it hard to even leave my room just to feed myself. If it wasn’t for my class, who at this point was my family, and my best friend Briggs. I wouldn’t have made it. I took my stress out at the gym. I continued to fight. I got a new roommate. She saves me. She had the same AFSC as me. She was in my shoes away from her husband just as long, and going over seas. We grew closer and closer everyday. November comes around, and I graduate in a couple weeks. Times almost up, and I finally get to see my son for 2 weeks at Christmas. I was more than excited. I surprised everyone at home, and I even got my orders. I got back to base. That’s when everything changed. I can finally start the checklist to PCS to Japan. Four cruel and unnecessary months later I’m leaving that horrid place. March 2021, I head home for a week to get my son and say my goodbyes. Just to be clear I waited so long for a No-Fee Passport for my son. That took 3 months alone. That’s important for later. We packed out bags and headed to Seattle for the rotator to Japan. It’s just my son and I at this point. We’re in Seattle at 0533, and just finished our COVID test swabs. My RNLT was 0530, and in those 3 minutes our lives did a complete 180. I wasn’t let on the rotator. I was stranded in Seattle alone with my son. All that extra time away from my son went down the drain. We didn’t even use the passport I waited for ever for. I was angry, but I looked at son with tears in my eyes and nothing mattered anymore. I was with him, and I was thankful for that. I finally get a rental car I paid for out of pocket $100 for a week. We’re living out of a hotel, and i finally get the call. I have new orders to Mcguire AFB. I left the next day. As much as i wanted to go to Japan, I see this as a blessing in disguise now. I’m happier now than ever. I hope with this story you can see that it really does get better. You may not see it then, but you will. Just never give up on yourself. I had some really great experiences in all the troubles. I’m thankful for them now. Thank you for listening to my story. For now this is til’ next time. Good morning. Have a great day, and make the best of it!